Recently I came to the conclusion that a lot of our men are no longer eager to get married. I believe they have their reasons and like most of them say, they never have enough money for the wedding day and maybe afterwards.
That makes me realize that we may not have prepared our men enough for marriage, to help them understand what measure of blessings are poured down on the man who chooses to take the bull by the horn and trust God enough to go into this institution that has been ordained by God himself.
I am yet to see anyone who consulted God before getting married, and didn’t pull through despite all the lessons that we learn on the way which give us room to grow up.
I can understand some of the reasons why men don’t want to marry these days, but one I find strange is when I discover that some men don’t actually want to get married because they are ashamed and very uncomfortable about the size of their joystick.
One of the many texts I have been bombarded with lately says :“Dear sir, can a small joystick satisfy a woman with big buttocks? How many inches is long, and what do you consider as short. You may flash me and I will call you so you can tell me”.
I later found out he has not thought of getting married, because he thinks he will be ridiculed for the rest of his life. What do you make of that? Meanwhile I will like to take you through some of the other reasons why some men don’t get married.
1. MEN DON’T HAVE TO GET MARRIED TO HAVE SEX TODAY
A lot of men have realized that it is easier to get sex than in times past, when women insisted on getting married before sex. I am a man and I can tell you that a lot of women have lost it when it comes to keeping themselves whole.
I am not so sure who is more promiscuous these days, because it seems women offer sex like its going out of fashion these days . There are women, who are sleeping with about 4 men at the same time and would probably accommodate more if they can.
When women come to me to tell me how their husband was caught in Adultery, and seek my opinion on if they should leave him, I always reassure them that most men who commit adultery these days, don’t go out looking for these ladies, but that the ladies seem to be everywhere making themselves available and have removed the fun we men used to have chasing them.
When men realize that they can have all the sex they want without getting married, they just don’t see the point of GETTING MARRIED.
2. WOMEN ARE READY TO CO-HABIT WITH MEN THEY ARE NOT MARRIED TO
I believe it must have come to your attention now that a lot of men and women are living together now without being married to each other. It came to my attention through my counseling sessions.
By the time I ask the lady or man where the husband or wife will be right now, they go like “actually Jerome, I think there is one more thing you need to know and that is we are not legally married, but are just living together”.
Now that blows my mind, because you are not legally married, you are living together and also have a child or two, in Africa, yes in Africa!
I know some of these starts on Campus where a lot of girls are just not staying in their hostels, but have moved in with their boyfriends who probably have a room at the BQ of the lecturer’s Quarters on Campus or in their rented apartment in town, and most of their school mates consider it acceptable.
Please note that this is also happening amongst those who profess to be religious on Campus as well. So continuing in that way of life isn’t a problem later. How do you expect these men to consider getting married when they have found a short cut to it?
3. MEN BELIEVE THE POSSIBILITY OF DIVORCE IS HIGH THESE DAYS, SO WHY SPEND ON MARRIAGE, AND LATER ON DIVORCE
The rate of divorce is on the increase and it carries a lot of financial implications with it. So the guys figure out why marry if it can cost you more than having a family and catering for them at the end.
4. MOST MEN DON’T LIKE THE CHILD BEARING PART
Most men today don’t express “burning desire” for children, saying they are not ready yet. Another factor may be at play, “They know they will have to be there equally with a wife and provide hands-on child care.”
young men playing video games
5. SOME MEN DON’T LIKE THE CHANGE THAT COMES WITH MARRIAGE
Most of the time you will realize that a man just wants a wife “to look good, provide great sex, join in his recreational activities and tell him he is wonderful, while the Women’s requirements are much broader.” They want affection.
They want to feel loved. They want a great conversationalist, a man who is funny, a good father for their kids, someone who is attractive, a good sexual partner, a man who is ambitious and successful and God fearing.
And most men are simply not” all these things. For them to do this, a lot of changes may be required which some men are not just ready for.
6. SOME MEN KEEP LOOKING FOR THAT PERFECT WOMAN TO MARRY
Let me describe a SOUL MATE using what D.H. Lawrence said; “You are the Call and I am the Answer. You are the Wish, and I the Fulfillment. You are the Night, and I the Day.
What else? It is perfect enough. It is complete. You and I.” What I realize here is that you may never find a compliment until you are capable of complimenting. Most of the time, we are looking for someone who will compliment us without the intention of complimenting anyone.
I guess we may wait for a perfect soul mate forever until we change our attitude and go out to look for someone to compliment.
7. NO ONE IS REALLY PUTTING HIM UNDER PRESSURE TO MARRY
Men face little social pressure to marry, compared to what the females have to face. So at the end of the day, they don’t think it’s a big deal after all. One reason young men balk at marriage is “they don’t yet get it”, the problem is they just don’t realize what is in it for them.
We have not done a good job of selling marriage to men. They don’t know all the good things that will change in their lives. Married men are healthier than single men, wealthier, they live longer and happier lives, they have more sex, they have somebody who knows them, and tolerates them anyway.
8. MEN DON’T REALLY WANT TO BE WITH A SINGLE MOTHER IN MARRIAGE.
Most of the time single men are reluctant to marry a woman who already has children for a lot of reasons and one of them being that his family will object to it, the other reason could be that he begins to wonder how many men she has been with and abortions she has had before being forced to have the child with her now, and yet another reason can be that, he is not sure he will be comfortable with her having any form of contact with the father or fathers of the child/children when he is married to her.
Men feel this way forgetting that they can be worse when we talk in terms of morality. It’s more of the case of the pot calling the kettle black. Unfortunately they get away with it, because no one is holding them to ransom.
9. SOME MEN DON’T LIKE RESPONSIBILITIES.
So some men say, but it’s just another way to avoid becoming a responsible person. What a lot of men may not realize is that marriage is a vision that is bigger than who they are and all they have to do is give themselves to it with the Almighty God as a witness and then begin building together with their wives as they obtain favor from the Lord.
Men have to realize that when we are children age 0-11 we have privileges, then from age 12-21 we retain our privileges through responsibilities e.g. if you want to take your father’s car out, be ready to refill the tank after using up the fuel in it otherwise, don’t ask for it the next day since you are not ready to be responsible.
Then from age 21- what we have left is responsibilities, and a lot of us fear that, I mean being responsible. So you find a lot of irresponsible men out there, who can change if we start to prepare our younger generation for the real life out there.
10. SO MANY MEN DON’T WANT TO MISS OUT ON THE SINGLE LIFE, WHICH IS WHY EVEN SOME WHO ARE MARRIED, STILL LIVE LIKE THEY ARE SINGLE.
Well, some people just don’t want to grow up, do they?
SOURCE: Accelerate TV